Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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