question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
