Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
