He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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