Barsexuality is the new black.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
