I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
