I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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