you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
