How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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