Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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