we made out on top of his cat.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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