I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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