thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
