In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
