Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
