He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
