Can i not drive my cunt home
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
