i just identified you from a description of your pipe
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
