A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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