you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
