Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
