She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
