Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
