Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
