Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
