I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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