break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
