Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
