Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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