look no pants
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
