remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
