I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I checked into jail on foursquare
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
