I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We talked him into tasing himself.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
