I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
