My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We named our party play list daddy issues
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
