you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
