Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
