I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
