Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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