please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
