Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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