well most of my day revolves around power hour
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
