i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
