I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
