is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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