chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
