Whod you bang
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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