you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
