walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
