i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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