I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
