The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
