I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
