He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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